Turning Point

The school’s toilet is better place than where we are now. I’m on the playing field. It used to be a really nice place when we were having game, but now I’m in terrible mood and it is a hateful place for me. Today I had a football game right here. Now, directly in front of me, there is a man whose name I don’t know.

My name is Jackson. I’m an ace running back at this team. I ran 300 yards in today’s game and got three touchdowns. Of course we won. I brought the victory to our team.  I brought it, not others. There was me, and so we won. While we were having a party of victory at the game with my friends, our teammates, and cheerleaders, the man came in and walked right up behind me and said, “Come with me.”

Just then I was talking with a girl. I said “What?” I looked at back to see who would inferupt me with nice timing like that. The man was standing  behind the sofa where we were sitting and talking. He looked maybe 50 or 60 years old, with a thin and kindly face.

 Nobody wants to leave their seat when they are talking with a girl. Of course I said, “No thanks,” and went back to talking with the girl.

“Come with me.” This time his voice was more loud and scary.

 I looked back hurriedly again, because the voice had clearly changed. His body and height changed. He was bigger and taller. I was surprised and a little bit scared and couldn’t believe what I saw. “OK, I will come with you,” I said. He might be teasing me , but his eyes flashed yellow like beast’s. Oh, it seems the possibility of that is small. “Where we are going?” I asked, but he left club without saying anything.

We arrived at the playing field. He stopped walking and turned around. We were standing face to face. I looked at his body again. There was no difference from when he talked to me for the first time. Before his body looked bigger, but was that just an illusion?  “So, why did you take me from the party?”

 “Are you enjoying your life?” he asked me suddenly. I don’t answer but look at his face. Then his face changed. The next moment, there wasn’t his face. A woman was standing in front of me. I don’t know what happened. The old man’s changed to a young woman’s face. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Then again her face changed and next became a baby’s face. Next is boy’s, girl’s, young man’s…. His face changed next to next. While the his face’s magic show I can find the face which I know. I shout ”Hey! Are you Arsene Lupi…?” “Shut up.” I close my mouth. Quietness.

“Go to travel. And see the world.”

“What?” Of course this is me.“No way! Are you kidding me!?”

“Shut up.”


Then he has gone. I couldn’t believe what I was told. I went back to the party, but I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation with the girl. I told her I was too tired and want to take some sleep. So I apologized to her and promised that we will go to the cinema tomorrow.

“Who was that man…..” I fell down to the bed and fell to deep sleep.

I got up the next morning. I felt something strange. I looked outside of my house. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was snowing. Snowing really hard. I couldn’t believe my eyes, because it is June now! First of all, I called to her to say I might be late. But I couldn’t connect with her. I don’t know why. Then I went to the cinema. I will be late for promise if I don’t leave house right now. Outside of the house, there was confusion. I hurry for walk. She must be wait for me with worrying. There were many accidents. There were slipped person, slipped car, crashed bicycles. I hoped nobody died. When I walked across a man he murmured, “See? I told you.”I didn’t know his face but I knew his voice. I remembered it clearly. I never forget it. It was the man.

“Hey you! What the hell are you doing! You did all of these things, didn’t you?” “What? I didn’t do anything.” “Lier! You did these things!” “Follow me and check this out. There is the truth. Take my arm.” I didn’t believe him yet. But I really want to know what happened. When I took his arm, I fall, fall, and fall….. Then I was in someone’s house.


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6 Responses to Turning Point

  1. arisa says:

    I really liked this story and it was really interesting!
    The ending made the readers want to read more and
    know what will happen to Jackson next,too.
    I’m also curious if Jackson is going to travel or not.

  2. 1090thousanddreams says:

    This story is very interesting.
    I’m really courious about the “turning point”
    of Jackson or some other person that appears in the story.
    I hope you post the continuation of the story soon.

  3. Koki Yoshida says:

    This story was very good but you should have ended it instead of having to be continued. Nice story and I am looking forward to the second part of the story but please end it because I don’t like stories that continue for a long time.

  4. k035 says:

    I really like this story!!
    I am very intresting to know who that man is, and what is he trying to do with Jackson.
    I am looking forward to see what is going to happen Jackson next.

  5. Sarah says:

    Rach! Thank you so much for taking the time to visit us and write! The writer of this piece lived in Dubai for some years, so he did not have the oportunity to use English as much as writers who lived in, say, America or the U.K. Your points are very good and will certainly help him and other writers who read your words! What I love in this piece is the voice of the protagonist, his attitude. Like you, I cannot wait to see the continuation!

  6. Rach says:

    Hi there,

    Great idea for a story, not sure if you would like some helpful hints?

    One would be to re-read your work aloud, this is one of the best things for a story. In your first paragraph you use the word ‘now’ three times and if you read it aloud it jars the flow. You have already established that you are talking about the immediate present, so you don’t need to tell your reader again. Sometimes you just need to trust that they get it.

    In another paragraph you use the word ‘face’ eight times, while I know you are trying to get the idea across of this changing figure, try and remove as many uses and then change up some of the others to mean the same thing but said with a different word. You will find that if you follow this, by looking for words that are repeating themselves as well as reading aloud (which is very strange to start with), you naturally will start to pick up these things.

    Great stuff, keep writing.

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