THE PANIC

There goes my alarm again. I feel like breaking it. The sound is so annoying. I turn it off, try to wake up, but that doesn’t happen. I go to sleep again. I hear my mother’s voice saying,

“Wake up your ten minutes late!!!!” That’s when I actually wake up.

I feel that there is no meaning in going to school. That’s me. I go to school to meet my friends and to get detention.

I love the teacher in the detention office. Her name is Ms. Chaiken. My friends and I go to see her everyday and we say, “How fun can detention be?” Whenever a different teacher comes in the office, we cool down and just sit there and do nothing, but it’s not the same with Ms. Chaiken. Whenever she comes in the office we jump and down like little kids.

Another good thing about Ms. Chaiken is that she is nice. She always comes up to us and says, “You guys did something again?  Don’t do the same thing over and over!” in a soft voice and would smile and walk away. This is what my friend and I do usually. But we had another thing we loved to do. It was surfing. Since we lived in Hawaii we could surf as much as we wanted. My friend and I would go for the big waves.

One day while we were surfing one of my friends disappeared. Nobody knew until I found out. I went looking for him and told the other guys to call people to help. Since I was the best surfer I went alone looking for my friend. It took me a while to find him. When I found him he was bleeding from the head. I carried him on my back then on to the surfboard. The blood coming out of his head was so warm. It made me feel like I was putting my hands in a bathtub.

 Nobody came to help my friend and me. I knew that someone would come, but there was no sound of anybody coming. Time was running out and my friend needed serious help. I was in panic. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew if we stayed in the water we would just die. So I decided to move and try to get back were everyone could find us. The waves were furious the water splashing me and my friend. For some reason my skin was starting to get numb. It sure didn’t feel like I was standing and was riding a surfboard. But right then I saw a light trying to find something. I screamed and waved my hand with all the strength I had left. I didn’t have any power left to do anything feeling the light shooting at us. I hear a sound of a boat coming closer and closer.

 I woke up. I didn’t know where I was. It didn’t seem like I was at home. Right when I looked right I saw my friend getting stitches. Then I noticed that I was in the hospital.

 Time went by my friend and I was put in the same room. A lot of people came to visit and see if we were ok. Then the door opened up. We looked who came in. It was Ms. Chaiken!!!!!!!!!! My friend and I was so happy and felt better.

 My friend and I kept getting detention that year just to see Ms. Chaiken. Also, we never quitted surfing either.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to THE PANIC

  1. Pingback: 2010 in review | DouKoku's Blog

  2. dihskoji says:

    I like the story, and how they survived.
    however, i think you would need a little more detail on what they do on the detension.

  3. Y.Y says:

    The title caught my eyes.
    At first I thought you were panicked because you woke up late and you’ll get late for the school because that’s what happens to me sometimes.
    But I’m glad that you have fun with detentions.

    I felt that the story is very realistic like when it said “The blood coming out of his head was so warm. It made me feel like I was putting my hands in a bathtub,” made me feel that I’m actually in that situation.

  4. YI says:

    When I finished reading, I was glad that you and your friend survived.
    However, I hope you will not fail for getting too much detention to see Ms. Chaiken…
    I also hope you will not get into trouble again when you surf.

  5. hiroko says:

    I liked how you tied in Ms. Chaiken at the end.
    I loved going to school when I had my favorite teacher for homeroom like the two boys in the story.
    I wanted to know further why the main character’s friend was bleeding from his head.
    Nice story!

  6. doll girl says:

    I never had a experience like this but, it must have scared you alot when you saw your friend bleeding.

    How does it feel like to surf?
    I’ve always been interesed but, never had the chance.

    Living in Hawaii must be awsome!

    I think it would make it even more interesting if you put more details and feeling.

  7. Sakiko says:

    This story was well written, I liked how he started off, this makes the reader’s interested. The structure of this story was neat, how he started off talking about his detentions and Ms. Chaiken, then getting to the main point of the accident; and at the end he connected the beginning to his conclusion which makes the whole story’s structure strong. This was very interesting, I really enjoyed it.

  8. yoshie says:

    I liked the story and how it was about friendship.

    But I didn’t really get the connection with the detention and the two friends.
    I also wanted to know more about the two friends and how they were like after being in the hospital, and I wanted to know more about the teacher.

  9. Lauren says:

    When I lived in Hawai’i, I often went surfing. One day I stepped on a sea urchin and I was so panicked, but I was lucky that I had a friend who had good knowledge of suring and ocean and so I was saved!

  10. TKG says:

    It might get a little boring if you just state what happened.
    Use more quotes and write more specificaly about what you thought and how you felt when these events happened and it will get better.

    I liked how you described what it felt like when you touched your friend’s bleeding head.

  11. Ray says:

    I want to have a teacher like Chaiken. How she treats you is very nice.
    By reading this blog, I felt I don’t want to do surf because I might get lost.
    However, I think surfers are so amazing. They are so brave!
    I hope you will not get in trouble anymore and have a good life in Hawaii!

  12. 763256 says:

    I liked how you discribed the scene when they where in the sea because it was well discribed and it made me panic too.
    It was easy to understand why you liked the teacher.
    I wanted to know more about why your friend got hurt.
    Overall it was great.

  13. Andorian says:

    I really liked the story.
    I thought the way how you started the story was very attractive.
    The place where you described the warm blood as “I was putting my hands in a bathtub,” was also very unique.

  14. Kan says:

    I thought your story was interesting.
    It was very thrilling to read the part where you’re friend was bleeding.
    Also I had a favorite teacher like the main character and when I read this story,
    I remembered of her.
    I wondered if it is based on a true story.

  15. maro87 says:

    I thought the way you wrote was great.

    But I think you should have included more details about how your friend got hurt.
    Did he hit his head on a reef? Did a shark bite his head?

    By the way I would like to know more about Ms.Chaiken. She must be very HOT!lol

  16. S.D.C.A says:

    I like the way you described the situation.
    (Especially 6 & 7 paragraph)
    How nice to use an attractive title!!

  17. laughing_man says:

    The part where the friend get lost, I wanted to know why the protagonisits could find the friend, and why the friend was bleeding.
    I guess you could describe more about the environment where the protagonisits are in.

    Also, for the first quote’s word “your”, I guess you meant “you’re”.

    I could see some mistakes, but overall, it was a good story.
    I could see that Ms.Chaiken was very nice woman.
    I wish you to keep on writing good stories like this.

  18. Andoria says:

    When I saw the title, I thought the story would be horror, or some dangerous adventure story, but actually, it was a very heart-warming story.

    Is it a true story?

  19. kk says:

    I feel bad for your friend to get stitches on his head.
    But your really lucky that you have fun time while getting detention.

    I think it’s really cool that you can surf!!
    But be careful not to get hurt.

  20. Rina Akita says:

    I really liked reading this story.
    The title caught my eyes, and made me want to read it.
    I loved how the setting was in Hawaii!
    When the friend got hurt, it made me want to read more to see what the ending would be like. This is an interesting story, and I enjoyed reading it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s